Life, Libations and the Pursuit of Boobs

I woke up,
Got out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head….

Then I thought about going back to bed.

Working virtually really helps you revolve your work around your lifestyle. If you are a drinker then you can go out late, have a few drinks and sleep in late. If you are trying to improve your health then you can wake up, go for a run and be ready to work by 10am. All is possible.

But what if you are an extrovert? What if you thrive on people being around you and while you may resent most of the people around you, the comradery gives you energy - so you tolerate the peons around you.

I think I am the worst of all types. I am a borderline introvert/extrovert working in a virtual office. What this means is that I wake up in the morning and I need people around me to get me charged up but once I get this energy, I need them to get the hell away from me and leave me alone. I have tried to subsidize the lack of human interaction by waking up each morning and doing a quick run and then following it up with a quick trip to the gym mid-day. This, by the way, doesn’t work - I have more energy than I did before but it’s very unfocused energy and I end up thinking about my own life and where I have gone wrong and what I should be doing than focusing on creative search marketing tactics.

The energy lasts and by about the time I get home from the gym (at 3pm), I am settling into a very focused work stretch. But then my introvert starts kicking in and I am working hard until about 3am in the morning.

Ugh. I can’t figure it out.

Ok. So, I am two months into working virtually - which is to say that I signed up with a new company and this company has (quite literally) no office.

Pretty amazing, right?

100% amazing. I have heard some nay-sayers in the virtual office world; people that think it’s too tough to work from home or too hard to wake up and get motivated. Basically, this is retard talk for “I will never be happy with anything in life.” For the rest of us - there is no way you could be unhappy with working virtually as it’s the best of all worlds.

And as part of my day-to-day in the virtual office world, I have been spending a shit ton [international measurement] of time at my local coffee shop - mostly at Socha.

Sounds pretty great, right?

You bet. But within this colorful world of rolling out of bed, putting on a condom and hopping over to my local coffee shop to start virtually working, there are some pros and cons. And so, with great distain, I have decided to compile a list of pros and cons of The Coffee Shop Lifestyle.

Pros

1. No one is in the coffee shop during the day - so basically a coffee shop becomes your office.
2. Food is on hand and you don’t have to prepare it AND because no one is in the coffee shop, you probably don’t even have to leave your seat to order.
3. Other people are paying to power your laptop.
4. Occassionally girls walk in and order a coffee and you get to stare at them like a creepy old man.
5. When you talk to yourself it become full on entertainment for the workers of the coffee shop.
6. Holding in a fart becomes a game and test of the will.

Cons

1. I have a lot of conference calls and I don’t like using my cell phone inside - so I have to pace outside the coffee shop, talking on the phone and making sure that no one is stealing my laptop inside.
2. I have to pay for all my food.
3. I feel weird about staying in a coffee shop for more than 3 hours - I feel like the workers resent me.
4. I have to keep ordering coffee, so by the end of the day I look (and feel) worst than a crack whore.

I’ll add this list as things come to me. Go to hell.