Ok. Totally sick of the Sarah Palin thing but I have to make one final point… then I am done because I literally HATE the fact that TV, radio and newspaper has been spending so much time on Sarah Palin.

I have been listening to NPR, CNN, MSNBC and FOX - trying to get all types of input in order to be somewhat “Fair and Balanced.”

But here’s the bottom line: She’s retarded. Like, not because she is a female, not because of her lack of experience, not because she took 6 years to graduate from a community college. She’s just retarded because she is dumb. VERY dumb…

If I was a women, I would be embarassed and groaning. If I was a republican I would shoot myself in the face. And as a human in the United States, I am supremely concerned that this is the type of “leader” our country now produces.

And the fact is… every woman, politician or layperson that tries to defend her ends up sounding like a retard.

So fucking grow up. Stop lying to yourself and stop trying to lie to me - she’s retarded and you know it. She gets elected and my faith in this country dies with that election.

And to everyone who knows that… stop being polite. Defenders of Sarah Palin aren’t apologetic and nice… so fucking ATTACK this stupid bitch and stop thinking you will be perecieved as dumb (or mean) for attacking her. The fate of this country and the world depend on YOU to stop being a PUSSY!

Your country is about to get raped by a beautiful woman who is drawing her energy off of the men around her.
Why?
Because Sarah Palin is a Succubus. If you don’t know what a Succubus is then learn about it quickly.

Let’s explore the three reasons why Sarah Palin is a Succubus.

#1) A Succubus is beautiful woman who seduces men

… and Sarah Palin is a beautiful woman who seduces men

I haven’t slept in weeks and I’ve been beating off at very inappropriate times - like during the nightly news and when I am on eBay looking for planes. My wife is NOT happy.

#2) A Succubus draw energy from men until the point of exhaustion or death of the victim to sustain themselves

… and Sarah Palin is drawing energy from Johnny “Cakes” McCain

I mean, have you seen this fucker? He looks like he is dying right before our eyes. He’s been relatively silent since she has come on the scene. And what’s more, she has totally usurped all his popularity and power - she’s essentially sucked him dry and taken the limelight.

#3) A Succubus collects semen from the men they slept with and escapes before the morning light

… and Sarah Palin lives in Alaska.

Yep. I’ve seen 30 Days of Night. You think it’s some sort of coincidence this woman lives in Alaska? Why the fuck does she keep running back (out of the public eye) back to Alaska? It’s not a coincidence - this bitch can’t be out in the day’s light.

You think this is all bullshit? You think that because I think Sarah Palin is a Succubus, I am nuts?

That’s fine. But when you wake up in the morning after having a dream about Sarah Palin, pants are gooey and your country is being run by a bunch of demons that are trying to destroy you - then maybe you won’t think I am nuts for thinking Sarah Palin is a Succubus.

But if you are like me then I think we should take up arms and let the country know (before it’s too late) that Sarah Palin is a Succubus. Just copy and paste the snippet below on your website or blog and let’s get the word out!

<img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3231/2871666004_db2f0481bd.jpg” alt=”sarah palin succubus” align=”center” />
Sarah Palin is a <a href=”http://gov.state.ak.us/bio.html” target=”_blank”>Succubus</a>

Kate’s got the right idea already.

I Don’t Want To Have a Beer With Barack Obama!

Let’s be clear. I am voting for Barack Obama for president and, quite frankly, I think anyone who isn’t voting for him is a fucking retard (placing hand to ear to listen for the anger of the rich and/or toothless).

But here is the thing: I don’t want to have a beer with Barack.

I’m not sure when idea of having a beer with our president became an important running platform. I don’t remember ever hearing about people saying this about Jimmy Carter, Reagan or FDR (I was either too young or not alive)… I really feel like this idea only came out with the George Walker Bush Campaign. Having a beer with Bush became an important marketing tool to get him elected because it was, in fact, the only thing redeeming about that asshole.

But we are getting rid of the asshole - so why is the asshole’s marketing carrying over?

Here’s my idea: let’s stop saying things like “I like him [as president] because I could have a beer with him.” In fact, if I hear you say it then I’m going to punch you in your fat face.

Because this is the deal: Our president (the person who LEADS the rest of us idiots) is supposed to be better, smarter, more elite than us. And you know what, if I am having a beer with the fucker then that can only lead me to believe that something in the country or world is getting fucked up.

So Barack Obama - love you buddy but I don’t want to have a beer with you. How about this: You do the leading and you keep being a better human being than me and I will do the blacking out for both of us. Sound good?

… oh and for those people who are going to say that the “beer with president” question is a metaphor for “is the person relatable” - yeah, I get it and you’re still a douche for basing your choice of president on the metaphor.