Have you ever been at the gym, doing some bench pressing and then *snap* - the top of your head feels like it’s on fire?

No? Too bad because it’s an amazing feeling. And by amazing, I mean completely debilitating - I feel like I had turned retarded and was never going to be able to think ever again in my life.

So what do you do when a sharp pain runs through the top of your head when lifting?

• Leave the gym immediately
• Go home and complain to your wife like a little child
• Take asprin
•  Proceed to worry if you have caused some sort of acute aneurysm that is slowly killing you - but don’t do anything to actually solve the problem
• Go to an acupuncturist because you don’t want to go to the emergency room

To my credit, I have successfully checked off all boxes on the above list and then some. It’s been 4 days and I still have pain in my head.

But here is the deal: I worry about death… a lot. I mean, I wake up thinking about death, death takes up my thoughts through most of the day and then I have a hard time going to bed at night because I am scared I will die in my sleep. Healthy.

You would think that I would be dashing to the emergency room to figure out why I have pain and get it fixed. Sure. Logical. But the deal is that I hate emergency rooms because (to me) they represent death. So instead I went to an acupuncturist.

The experience was neat - never been before. Quiet, peaceful, light flirting with the woman who was putting needles in me, light fantasizing that the woman might actually take advantage of this kinky scenario - I mean, I clearly missed the point as my mind was not focused on getting the pain out of my head but rather hoping the woman would make out with me.

That said I did have high hopes for the acupuncture as a cure or remedy for the sharp pains in my head (that I am worrying more and more about) BUT, unfortunately, no dice. 60 minutes and $150 later, I am still sitting at the coffee shop wondering if I am at my last hours and hoping that the pain with eventually just fade away.