Have you been on that interview yet?

The one where you walk into the office and things are a little too comfortable? The one where your interview is pushed back 15 minutes because the executive team is at a late lunch?

You probably thought to yourself “I’ve struck GOLD.” I finally feel comfortable – these are MY people (whatever the hell that means).

…and as the CEO strolls through the door with the rest of his “buddy” exec team; laughing and dressed down for even the most lowly bar room concert, you hear him joking say “yeah, that guys a total douche.”

We can only assume that the grunge rock CEO is referring (debasingly) to himself… but unfortunately he’s not. And unfortunately, by this time you’re too enamored by the comfort and coolness of this place to see that you have just sealed your fate at a fledgling company that will teach you nothing about business and will actually damage your growth towards any life-long goals you have set for yourself.

As a search marketer in the SF Bay Area, I have been on too many of these interviews and I have parted (probably all-to-quickly) ways with all of these companies.

Here’s why [I don’t want a grunge rock CEO]:

Individuals of the grunge era can be summed up by these ideals; passion before form, anarchy before order and coolness before calculation.

All ideals are great for the ARTIST but for BUSINESS ultimately suck-a-fuck.

Passion over form is great in music. Kurt Cobain wasn’t breaking any barriers when he built his 3-bar-chord melodies but his passion (his inner demons) appealed to us and his greatness/legacy is built on that passion, not his ability to create Hendrix-like solos.

Passion over form sucks in business. Just because you have drive to create the first widely adopted online television destination site (see: www.joost.com) doesn’t mean people are going to FEEL this passion (the way they would in a song). You need to have a plan – you know like: How am I going to distribute and support this thing? How am I going to get mass amounts of valuable content on this thing? How am I going to market and impress the passion I have onto my users? If you can’t even answer these questions on a high-level then the company is dead in the water.

Anarchy before order is great in music. Sonic Youth probably blew your mind the first time you listened to them. You might have even asked yourself – “How the fuck are they doing this?” But you still loved the music. There was no clear direction but you went along for the ride – just like you did when you first listened to Zaireeka (Flaming Lips).

Anarchy before order sucks in business. A successful business is not built around anarchy. Employees cannot work without a clear line of direction (they become lackadaisical and uncreative) and consumers cannot buy into your company because they have no idea where they are going. Business is NOT a journey looking for Kurtz – it’s a clear march towards the end zone. Order = Orders.

Coolness before calculation is great for music. Do you remember The Pixies? I do – they practically saved me from going insane when I was a teenager. Their music, their sound, their personalities – they were the loser outcasts that our teenage angst could relate to. Being cool (as an artist) has as much to do with your success as passion. A passionate musician who is a total jocko-homo isn’t going to get the credit or fanfare that a depressed, anti-social rockstar is going to get. And if we knew that our musicians were cold and calculating (trying to PUSH music on us) – we would drop them from our playlist in a heart- beat.

Coolness before calculation sucks in business. I bet you want the company you work for to be cool. In fact, I know you do. But here is the thing – its fine to MARKET your company as cool but it is not ok for your company (internally) to actually be cool. The company needs to be removed from social pressures of coolness, they need to be calculating – they need to make logical and rational decisions that will enable them to continue to put food on the plate of it’s employees.

So, here is my advice to you:

The next time you walk into an interview where you feel to “at home” and it feels “too friendly” be skeptical. Don’t get caught up in the FEELING – remove yourself from the situation and THINK to yourself “Is this a place that is highly functional, has scalability (legs), can put food on my plate and I can learn from so I can one day be an executive?”

If the answer isn’t an overwhelming YES to all those questions then run (don’t walk) to the nearest fire escape because that company (and your career) is about to go down in flames.

What Really Happened at the Phish Concert at Fenway Park in Boston.

Click to See a Larger Phish Phuck

btw. I’m 31, not 13… 

Here’s the email I recieved for my silly 5 minute video that I produced and only my friends have watched.

And here’s why the DMCA and everyone that supports it should die.

YouTube Copyright DMCA

And that’s how YouTube Killed the Video Star.

Now I know it’s not YouTube’s fault per say but they shouldn’t be such pussies about the whole DMCA thing. You’re owned by Google for Christ sake - they fucking stood up to the US government when they asked for search data and you can’t stand up for stupid homemade videos?

And I know I am not the only one getting raped by stupid DMCA laws… so I don’t want to sound like “woah is me, they are attacking me.” But seriously…

I mean, what is the motivation here? Do they think that I was selling anything through my video (i.e. making money by using their song)? I wasn’t. Do they think that I am now going to pay them for the rights to the song for my stupid video? I won’t. Is K7 really loosing money on my video? Shit… when was the last time these bastards were heard of by the general public? I am doing them a fucking favor…

So… what? What could be the motivation? To piss me off and ruin my fun? Well, fuck you. And fucking fuck everyone who supports these stupid fucking laws. And fuck YouTube for standing by these stupid fucking DMCA laws instead of the consumers that helped make them a huge hit (and get them their billions of dollars from Google).

And where does this end? Apparently if I sing lines from a well-known piece of music then that will get my video taken down. I also assume if I should home video and the radio is on in the background then I will have to somehow remove that. If I get into a conversation on video about a certain piece of music and say the name of the song, artist and album, will that get taken down? What about if I am streaming video and accidentally have a movie on in the background - is someone going to break into my house and turn off the movie?

I get why Digital Media Right laws exist - really I do. I understand the concept of stealing and piracy. I also am familiar with the idea of being retarded and taking the initial meaning of law and stretching is so thin that it barely resembles what it’s original purpose.

I really wish there was more outrage about this kind of stuff. Everything we (web developers, IT, SEM’s, etc) have been working for 10+ years building on the web (a new and better way) is going to be crushed and it will be business as usual. Next stop, net nuetrality.

…oh and as a side note YouTube, maybe you should look into getting a search marketer for your blog b/c your shit sucks.

We just got word that Hans Pritcher will be launching a new dating & sex advice blog on October 31st.

… and even better, he will be launching his newest eBook entitled:

“The All-American Pickup: How to Stiff Arm Your Way to T.D.’s”

The book will be launched on Superbowl Sunday 2009.

Here is the promo banner for the new book - feel free to pass it along and/or post it on your site/blog.

His PR Director has released limited information on the new book but what we do know is that the book with focus on how to pick up woman and score big. The book uses football lingo as a metaphor for how to attract women and understand what women want. Here is a quick look inside.

Here is what you’ll learn inside:

• *How to Execute a Bump & Run
• *How to Run a 2-Minute Offense
• *Running a Tailback Blast
• *Pulling off an End-Around
• *Double Teaming a Hot Receiver
• *Being Aware of Too Many Men on the Field
• *Knowing Your Hole Number During a Handoff
• *Blitzing the Neutral Zone
• *Intentional Grounding & Getting Outside the Tackle Box
• *…And many, many more AWESOME tips for picking up chicks

In honor our most ironically misunderstood day (Hump Day), I give you my porn for the week. Must Love Hogs - it’s an endearing drama about two people drawn together over their intense love for hogs (a.k.a. petermans).

Enjoy!

Have you seen the new Incredible Hulk? Not the Ang Lee slaughtering of The Hulk but the Edward Norton rape of The Hulk.

Here’s what I think about it - I call it The Despicable Hulk. A.K.A. The Rape of the Hulk.

Bacon Pancakes

Last night, before heading to bed, my wife told me she wanted pancakes for breakfast the following morning. No problem; we haven’t had pancakes for awhile, so it would be good to have some pancakes.

However, since we didn’t get to bed until 2am - after watching SNL and some crappy TV - I didn’t get up until about 11am and then I headed off to the gym upon waking. So my thoughts changed from pancakes (breakfast) to brunch. And then my thoughts headed bacon pancakes…

Here is what I ended up making:

Bacon pancakes with caramelized onions and walnut butter.

… and here is how I made them.

First, I baked some bacon.

I prefer baking my bacon at 375 for about 15 minutes but if you are a stove top person then be my guest. After the bacon is cooked, dry it off (i.e. paper towel the grease off the bacon) and when it cools, cut the bacon up into small squares (think bacon bits).

While I was baking my bacon, I started caramelizing my onions.

To caramelize onions, all you need to do is melt down 1 stick of butter over medium heat and chop up about 1 pound of yellow onion. Toss the onion in the butter, stir occasionally and in about an hour - you have caramelized onions. The caramelized onions will be tossed on top of the finished bacon pancakes.

So, the bacon is baking and onions are caramelizing - this gives us time to make the pancake batter and the walnut butter. Let’s do the walnut butter first since well have to toss it in the freezer for 30 minutes (to solidify).

Walnut Butter is the easiest piece. All you have to do is melt down a stick of butter, at 2 tablespoons of brown sugar and 1/2 cup of crushed walnuts. When it’s all done - shove it in the freezer for 30 minutes OR… if you thought ahead (like a day before), then just put it in the refrigerator.

The walnut butter will be used to melt on top of each bacon pancake you eat.

Lastly is making the batter for the bacon pancakes. It’s pretty simple:

• 2 1/2 cups of flour
• 2 cups of milk
• 2 teaspoons of baking powder
• 1 egg
• 1 teaspoon of pepper
• 1/2 teaspoon of salt
• chive or scallions to taste
• chopped up baked bacon

When all the pieces are done. What you are left with is bacon pancakes with melted walnut butter and caramelized onions dripped on top.

Best brunch I have had in a long time - I highly recommend making bacon pancakes next time you want pancakes and it’s past 10am.

The KFC Challenge. Have you seen these stupid comericials? Well, if you haven’t then let me sum it up for you.

Basically the deal is this: Kentucky Fried Chicken offers up the KFC Challenge where they ask a fake commercial family to try to go to the grocery store and buy ingredients for a meal (comparable to a KFC family meal) for less than $10. It’s a cute commercial that features a blonde-haired girlscout nazi asking for chicken at the supermarket butcher and a wannabe dork teenager looking for the Colonel’s “11 spices.” Cute but it started to wear on me after the second view.

Why? Well mostly because with the KFC Challenge, Kentucky Fried Chicken assumes we are all short-term thinking douche bags and don’t understand that yes… perhaps they beat the family supermarket on day 1 but over time - KFC loses.

So, to prove the point - I took the KFC Challenge. Here’s what I found - the data below assumes that I had none of the ingredients in my house before I started. It’s my 30 days of data for the KFC Challenge. The challenge is: can I (after a month of eating the same dinner every single night) save money by purchasing groceries vs. going to KFC. Oh and by the way, the Kentucky Fried Chicken meal consists of 7 pieces of chicken, 1 side (I chose baked beans) and 4 biscuits.

First off, I had to mock the Kentucky Fried Chicken 11 spices… after looking online for recipes, these are the ingredients in the recipe:

1. Garlic Salt (1 Tablespoon per serving)
2. Onion Powder (1 Tablespoon per serving)
3. Sugar (1 Tablespoon per serving)
4. Oregano (1 Tablespoon per serving)
5. Black Pepper (1 Tablespoon per serving)
6. Thyme (1 Tablespoon per serving)
7. Basil (1 Tablespoon per serving)
8. Parsley (1 Tablespoon per serving)
9. Celery Salt (1 Tablespoon per serving)
10. Salt (1 Tablespoon per serving)
11. Paprika (1 Tablespoon per serving)

The rest of my ingredients (for chicken, biscuits and beans) were:

1. 3 cups of flour
2. 1.5 cups of milk
3. 2 teaspoons of butter
4. 4 teaspoons of baking powder
5. 1/4 teaspoon of baking soda
6. 1 egg

After going out and purchasing all the ingredients in order to make a KFC Family meal, I spent $134.87. Holy shit. KFC wins. I am saving $125 dollars my going to KFC. Fucking unbelievable. But folks that’s just day 1. What happens when I don’t throw away my ingredients that I just bought (as most reasonable families)? What happens when I continue the KFC Family Challenge over 30 days?

Well, after I multiply the ingredients by the number I would need to sustain eating over 30 days. For instance, the chicken I would need to buy 3 of them. Then after getting my total cost, I had to divide the cost by 30 to get the daily cost. So, here is how the daily break down went (daily cost is amortized for ingredients that last throughout the month):

1. KFC Family Meal $9.99
2. Baked Beans $1.10
3. Chicken $0.50
4. Garlic Salt $0.07
5. Onion Powder $0.15
6. Sugar $0.03
7. Oregano $0.11
8. Black Pepper $0.10
9. Thyme $0.10
10. Basil $0.11
11. Parsely $0.08
12. Celery Salt $0.13
13. Salt $0.03
14. Paprika $0.13
15. Flour $0.53
16. Milk $0.32
17. Baking Powder $0.06
18. Baking Soda $0.05
19. Butter $0.47
20. Vegetable Oil $0.46

After this breakdown, let’s take a look at where we are after 30 days:

As you can see; at the end of the 30 days I spent $299.70 and only $134.87 for the store bought ingredients. Which means that over the course of 30 days, I have saved $164.83 by not eating at KFC. Seems like if we are having an economic crisis, this is the solution. Stop eating at KFC and you’ll be able to put gas in your car. Stop eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken and you’ll be able to get new clothes for your kids. Stop eating KFC and your kids will have a Christmas.

As far as the Kentucky Fried Chicken KFC Challenge - KFC, you fail. And KFC… next time you make a fucking commercial, make it interesting so I don’t have to waste my spare time dispelling your challenges. God I hate that fucking commercial.

Ok. Totally sick of the Sarah Palin thing but I have to make one final point… then I am done because I literally HATE the fact that TV, radio and newspaper has been spending so much time on Sarah Palin.

I have been listening to NPR, CNN, MSNBC and FOX - trying to get all types of input in order to be somewhat “Fair and Balanced.”

But here’s the bottom line: She’s retarded. Like, not because she is a female, not because of her lack of experience, not because she took 6 years to graduate from a community college. She’s just retarded because she is dumb. VERY dumb…

If I was a women, I would be embarassed and groaning. If I was a republican I would shoot myself in the face. And as a human in the United States, I am supremely concerned that this is the type of “leader” our country now produces.

And the fact is… every woman, politician or layperson that tries to defend her ends up sounding like a retard.

So fucking grow up. Stop lying to yourself and stop trying to lie to me - she’s retarded and you know it. She gets elected and my faith in this country dies with that election.

And to everyone who knows that… stop being polite. Defenders of Sarah Palin aren’t apologetic and nice… so fucking ATTACK this stupid bitch and stop thinking you will be perecieved as dumb (or mean) for attacking her. The fate of this country and the world depend on YOU to stop being a PUSSY!

@dmacheras so u will be making 375k in 2 years. If yes then I am living in ur house.